Friday, December 30, 2011


The truth? By the end of each day, I am tired physically, emotionally, and even spiritually. I have broken up fights, listened to criticisms about life-changing events such as did I cut the sandwich diagonally or right down the middle. I have washed laundry, scrubbed toilets, and have tried to make healthy meals.

Unfortunately, most of the time the garbage disposal has won, and I have scowled while telling my babies about starving children who live in dumps. The toilet seat has not been lifted, someone's used a clean towel every time they have showered, I've cut the sandwich wrong, and they have said mean things to each other. In my mind...I have failed to make a difference again. Some days I feel very little has feed me, given me energy, encouraged me. I am in the world of children with no adults to laugh at my jokes or appreciate my efforts when I avoid feeding them high fructose corn syrup. I am not rewarded with a paycheck at the end of the week.

What am I doing? In the end, is this going to make a difference? Are they going to stand around my death bed and say, "Thank you so much for making our toilets pristine white." I doubt it. So, what is the point?

I believe most days I feel as if I am walking through mud because I forget who I am doing this for. I focus on how much the world, my children, my husband, and sadly myself put value on the things I do. I worry if it will ever be enough. Will they, or I, be satisfied this time? I forget. I forget that whatever I do, I am to do it as though I am doing it for the Lord, not just people. He notices. As crazy as it is, when no one sees me straightening the sock drawer again, He does. He is in my details. A deep breath of life fills me when I remember this.

And so my journey of developing thankfulness continues. Will I be thankful that my children are healthy enough to fight, we have food enough for them to not know hunger, the laundry baskets are overflowing with warm clothes, we have indoor plumbing when the world uses a public hole in the ground?

Maybe with my thankfulness for life, I will teach my children thankfulness. Maybe I will have the patience to teach them to appreciate what we have rather than just being seriously frustrated with them when they don't get how blessed they are. Maybe if I appreciated what and who I have been blessed with, they will follow. Today, I want to take a new path. I don't want to just talk about it. I want to know thankfulness like a dear friend.

Whatever you do, work at it wholeheartedly as though you were doing it for the Lord and not merely for people. Colossians 3:23

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