Indifference

Emotions

One minute I feel peaceful, the next regretful.

Sometimes horrific familiar indifference seeps in.

I feel it crowd me.

It causes things to go dark.

I hide.

I avoid.

I don't like hanging out with it, but it is a very real thing for me sometimes.

Maybe it is from exhaustion.

Maybe it is allowing myself to get worked up over things that may or may not matter so I shut down.

Maybe it is frustration that most of the time it feels hard to walk this out.

But I don't like myself when I feel this way.

I long to be fearless.

but

I fight difficult.

I avoid it.

I am tired from difficult.

The bottom line...

I don't want to be hurt by the world I live in, but I don't want to live numb either.

Numb is ugly.

I need to feel.

I need to be still.

I need to breathe.