Forgiveness...Again

Counselling...

Gotta love it.

It leaves me exhausted.

It leaves me hopeful.

It leaves me facing this jagged canyon again.

The fear of forgiveness.

The fear of letting go.

The fear of being wounded again.

The fear that I might forget to take care of myself.

It leaves me facing the battle of lies that says forgiveness is giving in to them, letting them win.

But it isn't,

and

I don't want to be bitter.

There is no healing there.

I have walked on the stones of bitterness far too many times.

I know them intimately,

but

I want to be free.

So today...

I realized, at least in part, forgiveness starts with acceptance.

I can't change anything about my journey up to this point.

I need to accept that some bad things have happened.

I need to accept that it doesn't define me...

Or "them" even.

Wow...

I can't even begin to say how that split second of realization

changed me

lightened my load

gave me hope.

I could literally see stuff falling off of me.

Clarity

Another sigh escapes me.

Another letting go.

More peace.

A fertile place to thrive.