One minute I feel peaceful, the next regretful.
Sometimes horrific familiar indifference seeps in.
I feel it crowd me.
It causes things to go dark.
I don't like hanging out with it, but it is a very real thing for me sometimes.
Maybe it is from exhaustion.
Maybe it is allowing myself to get worked up over things that may or may not matter so I shut down.
Maybe it is frustration that most of the time it feels hard to walk this out.
But I don't like myself when I feel this way.
I long to be fearless.
I fight difficult.
I avoid it.
I am tired from difficult.
The bottom line...
I don't want to be hurt by the world I live in, but I don't want to live numb either.
Numb is ugly.
I need to feel.
I need to be still.
I need to breathe.